Two Truths and a fantasy

Yesterday was a fairly chaotic day.


It began when my Wrinkle Face decided to make friends with the neighbors tiny dog about four hours into me falling asleep.

Neighbor called me frantic because there was a giant gash in the back of their puppies head and they think Wrinkles chomped down on their baby.

I didn’t witness the event so I’m 100% at the mercy of others on reliable testimony, and if they say my giant mastiff had its mouth (roughly the size of a Yorkshire Terrier) an another animal I have no choice but to comply … though I was thinking to myself that if she indeed had her gaping maw on a two pound dog … said two pound dog would be jelly/mush and not have only one single mark on the back of his head.

Regardless I went with the story and planned to pay for all veterinary costs.

An hour and a half later (emergency vet visits are apparently an inconvenience to appointment veterinarians sometimes) we’re in the examination room and the vet asks skeptically “are you sure this was done by a mastiff? It looks more like a puncture from a sharp chain link fence to me.”  HA! I did not say out loud.

But I, being the devious individual I am assured the vet that the neighbor saw my dog do it and that it must have just been her paw not her mouth that did the damage as the poor little fella struggled to get away from all the forced kisses he was getting from my giant pushover.

Vet gave the little guy an antibiotic shot and said to keep it clean with some antibacterial soap and it should all be healed up by Wednesday!  YAY!


I live in southern Louisiana in the middle of the woods.  Every year as the rainy end of spring turns into the oppressive oven of summer, little field mice plague my home.  With these tiny cute eating machines comes fleas! Evil, bloodsucking, biting fleas.

I’ve tried bombs, and foggers, and sprays, and humane traps, and mean sticky traps, and chomp your head off scary tooth traps, and the most recent attempt has been two different brands of this sonic repellent that did no good.  I just plugged in the third brand of blinky sound boxes this morning, we’ll see if tonight, as the previous three nights, a cute little ball of fur with eyes and a tail wakes me  up chewing on my bookshelf.


I had a dream last night, no lets call it a night-frustration, that Walmart would not accept my credit card.  There was only one register open (as usual) and I had three buggies full of who knows what. The card machine was asking me strange questions instead of the usual pin/zip code question like …

“Please type in the name of the Sheriff.”


“Who is the Mayor?”

Then a light fixture from the ceiling crashes down and busts open my friends forehead.  She quickly gets medical attention from a  super hot fireman lady and is all googoogaga over this chick.  I’m fussing at my friend because my friends is practically married to her partner (cohabiting, joint financials, emergency contacts … the works) and here she is shamelessly flirty with another woman in public.

Fireman-lady asks me to hold on to the ends of a bandage while she patches my friend up and then leaves the scene as I creepily whisper in my friends ear “Christopher is going to be so jealous that I’m lucid dreaming.”

I wake up almost instantly and have to laugh because A.) I was in no way lucid dreaming and B.) its hilarious the subtle connections our dreams make with the reality we live through each day.

Have you guys been having any pet, pest, or dream problems lately?

Let me know in the comments 🙂



2 thoughts on “Two Truths and a fantasy

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